[Late]

Old writing I didn´t post before.

-She arrived to her room, left her bag on the floor and her books on her bed, she took off her shoes, pants, looked around and made a bun on her hair, her eyes lay on her laptop, she pulled it to her, many memories from today played on her mind, every one least likeable than the last, she opened her computer, turned it on and tried to shake the thoughts away, opened her iTunes and hit play "Tourniquet" by Marilyn Manson started playing, she tried focusing on the lyrics, the song, the voice, the feeling; 

"Take your hatred out on me,
Make your victim my head
You never ever believed in me,
I am your tourniquet"

Listened for a moment and clicked on next, next, next, nothing to fit this moment of loneliness ,of sad realizations, nothing, then "Eternal Odyssey" from Delerirum played, she stayed there, her mind on blank, listening to that song, she felt a little bit in peace; for a second or two, but honestly, any second of it was worth it, her World had been falling into pieces for weeks..months? She had lost the count already, life seemed like such a cold, hopeless place to be in, but suicide was not even a choice, she knew..actually she thought that it wouldn't always be like this, she lied to herself so many times, thinking, imagining, telling herself so many times that someday, someday everything would be different, she felt as if her life had not started, she grew old every single day, but yet she felt she died a little bit inside every moment, her life had not started, but the clock was ticking and there was nothing to do to stop it, and about her life..something held her back, something she couldn't just let go of.

Nobody seemed to understand, nobody seemed to care at all, it started raining outside, and all she wanted was to be in his arms, away from everything, start a new life.

She had lost faith in humanity, one of the guys she hang out with proved her several times, how people's true nature was to be selfish bastards, it killed her a little bit inside, she refused to believe it, she didn't wanted to, but then again, she remembered how someone dear to her told her too many times how naive she was, she always hoped for the best, she didn't considered herself as an optimistic person, but she didn't expect people to be so cruel, so cold, so selfish.

She gave up on thinking about it, there was nothing she could do at the moment.She browsed online looking for nothing in particular, she found a random song:

"Come back, I'll help you stand.
Let go and hold my hand.
If all you wanted was me, I'd give you nothing less.
So come back when you can"

Many thoughts hurried to her mind, she wanted to cry
Cry herself empty, to not hold a single tear inside her
She cried herself to sleep
No more thoughts, just tears drying in her sleep and dreams, or even better, not dreaning anything at all.